On March 18th, Donald Trump opened the White House’s coronavirus briefing by saying, "I would like to begin by announcing some important developments in our war against the Chinese virus."
He would go on to publicly refer to COVID-19 as the “Chinese virus" at least 20 times between March 16 and March 30. A number of Republican senators, representatives, and right-wing media pundits began to repeat his language, along with phrases like “Wuhan Flu” and “Kung Flu.” By the end of the month, these statements had laid the foundation for misplaced blame and hatred against those of Asian ethnicity. While the pandemic continues to spread out of control within the United States, the Asian-American community also has to navigate racism, harassment, and, in some cases, violent attacks.
As a Korean-American artist, I wanted to make a space for people of Asian descent to candidly express their thoughts and experiences. In early April 2020, I reached out to the Asian American Association of New Mexico to help create a collaborative documentary project, I Am Not a Virus. Defined by the restrictions of the pandemic itself, we invited participants to submit self-captured images and writings, which were then processed together to create a series of intimate, narrative-based portraiture. For the sake of anonymity, many participants chose to use pseudonyms.
Here are their stories.
He would go on to publicly refer to COVID-19 as the “Chinese virus" at least 20 times between March 16 and March 30. A number of Republican senators, representatives, and right-wing media pundits began to repeat his language, along with phrases like “Wuhan Flu” and “Kung Flu.” By the end of the month, these statements had laid the foundation for misplaced blame and hatred against those of Asian ethnicity. While the pandemic continues to spread out of control within the United States, the Asian-American community also has to navigate racism, harassment, and, in some cases, violent attacks.
As a Korean-American artist, I wanted to make a space for people of Asian descent to candidly express their thoughts and experiences. In early April 2020, I reached out to the Asian American Association of New Mexico to help create a collaborative documentary project, I Am Not a Virus. Defined by the restrictions of the pandemic itself, we invited participants to submit self-captured images and writings, which were then processed together to create a series of intimate, narrative-based portraiture. For the sake of anonymity, many participants chose to use pseudonyms.
Here are their stories.
"Racism is a problem everywhere. Even in schools. One time in school a kid told me that his mom said stay safe, and avoided me. Being of any race other than white is hard right now. Racism is everywhere, schools and other places." - Thai Kid
"When COVID19 was just starting to hit the US, before any of us knew to use masks, I sneezed in a grocery store parking lot. A white man whipped around, eyes bulging, and screamed at me to “go back to China and die.” In the midst of the pandemic and Black Lives Matter, people continue to claim that they are “colorblind” and “don’t see race.” Yet these same people were the ones who were suddenly walking out of any room I entered. If they don’t see race, why did they stand 6 feet away from their white friends and 12 feet away from me?" - Melanie Lan
"I came to the U.S.A to look for a better life. But during this pandemic period, I am wondering, “Is this a life that I wanted to live?” Whenever I went to grocery markets for buying essential materials, including foods, I always felt scared of people who might attack or find excuses to blame me because of my dark hair and different color skin. I never broke the law and harmed people, and we are not the people who made causes of the COVID-19 pandemic. We are the same people as you are." - HH Bae
"When crises occur, racism rears its ugly head out in the open, unashamed. This pandemic has served as a reminder to us that racism still infects the minds and hearts of people around the world, and in America the myth of the “model minority” can dissolve at any moment. I never expected that I would experience racism in the workplace, but I have learned my lesson. I have also learned that HR does not exist to protect the workers, but only to protect bosses and the company from being held responsible. I hope that moving forward, we as Asian Americans will take this opportunity to collectively fight back against racism of all kinds and help to build a more equitable world." - Makibaka
"My great-grandparents were an immigrant farmer and a "picture bride" from Japan, raising a family of nine kids in Northeast Colorado. While executive orders by Governor Ralph Carr prevented Colorado residents from the internment camps, I have no doubts that all of them faced racism during and after World War II. It’s been tough staying inside and feeling isolated as we fight not just COVID but also the diseases of racism, greed, and state violence. Reports from Asian-American friends of being afraid of being attacked in public are heartbreaking. I want to be 'out there' for support and solidarity and 'in here' for public health." - Koshio Jr.
"I am not a virus." Corona is not a "Chinese virus," it is not an Asian disease. Although it originated in China, it affects everyone and should not be identified with only any one race. My mother should not be harassed when she shops because of her ethnicity. My family wore masks before it was mandated by the governor, yet our desire to stay safe was met with judgment and insults because of our race. We are more than a disease, but our country and government's reluctance to take this disease seriously not only enabled racism towards Asians and Pacific Islanders, but it led to unnecessary deaths and inadequate preparation for a full-scale global pandemic. We must use our voices to speak up and demand change in our government, for only then can our people be represented fairly in this country." - Manon
"My grandfather came from China through Angel Island in 1907. I am the granddaughter of a ‘merchant’ who followed a network of blasters, miners, builders, growers, dealmakers, and diggers. I am the granddaughter of a farmer on Kauai. I am descended from 3 women, who all sewed clothing for their children. I am a child of The Golden State, Red, White, and Blue, and I wear Dodger Blue. I am a child of rivers and farms, of beaches and deserts, of literature by Saroyan, Steinbeck, and Doerr. And now, you ask, where is Wuhan? Why would you think I know?" - West Tumbleweed
"When I was little, my grandfather used to joke that being Japanese means not being white and not being black, "so... we can sit wherever we want on the bus!" I never really understood that joke coming from a man who was incarcerated for the duration of World War II because of his race. The anti-Asian ugliness we're seeing because of Covid-19 should be a reminder that our "model minority" status can be revoked at any moment. We must stand against racism. Period." - Eric
"It wasn't perfect timing to introduce myself at the moment. Some guy came to cough on me because I was from Japan. I won't cough at you back, because there is NO REASON. I am NOT A VIRUS/RACIST. All life is a treasure. We are all going through this pandemic." - Queenie
"Hate is a lock. Love is a key. Free yourself from the prison of racism and discrimination. Believe it's possible to be at peace." - TMT71
"I Am Not a Pathogen. When I am looking at the first ray of morning, / When I am welcoming the first blossom of spring, / When I am touching raindrops or flying in the wind, / I know the same beauty touches you, / who, like me, mourn for loss of lives and fight against evils. / I greet you gently: 'My friend, how do you do?'" - Susu
"When you face a hard time, the easiest thing to do is blame someone. When coronavirus hit the world, the world started to blame us. We have always been alienized in America, and now we are hated more than ever. We were assaulted, stabbed, and harassed in the past few months because of our skin. Some of us left the country out of fear. When you face a hard time, the easiest thing to do is blame someone. I could go the easy way and blame the world, but I chose not to. I would rather use my energy on making it a better place. Because I dream of a world where nobody is hated for their skin. Because I dream of a world that is full of love and kindness." - Pilea
"The ‘rise’ in racism due to COVID-19 noticed by my Asian brothers and sisters is no stranger to me, having experienced violent acts of racism since the age of five. It would be remiss of me to fail to point out the hypocrisy of only now noticing this rise: racism has always been present, but in the hierarchy of oppression we Asians have enjoyed the “privileged” position--not white, but closest to whiteness. So close, in fact, that many of us have actually benefitted from the subjugation of other minorities, and are complicit in its continued oppression. But now, hope springs anew. With the recognition of the horrible reality of racism made clear to us, we Asians must now join the fight against white supremacy alongside our Black & brown brothers & sisters--those who have always been at the forefront of the fight for liberation for all peoples, whether or not we stood arm in arm with them." - John Vigil
“As an essential worker I enjoyed the walk to work via Bryant Park. It felt like a luxury to see the greens while Covid19 was pandemic-ing. I’ve experienced the shutdown, protesting BLM and looting close hand because of the Time Square location of the work. I’d often get harassed on the way to work how I should go back to “China” or I am the virus, but I’ve been handling situations smoothly in a non-confrontational way, by dodging or engaging in a small conversation. When I got punched on my face by a random black man at the Bryan Park yesterday, I was so hurt. I still believe in the good of people and this nation but sometimes it feels the progress still has a long way to go.” - Kate
"Since we’ve begun wearing masks in response to COVID19 my public face has been reduced to a pair of Asian eyes. These are the eyes so awkwardly fashioned on non-Asian actors playing Asian roles; the eyes Asians surgically alter to add the coveted double-fold; the eyes that invite distrust and suspicion and the distinctly stereotyped label of inscrutable. Fighting to be truly seen in a white supremacist society is an everyday challenge for a person of color, but in this anti-Asian climate, yet another cycle in history, the mask is shining a disarming light on my Asian eyes. I may be a target for the anger and frustration and hatred people are feeling during this pandemic, but getting rid of Asians will not make the pandemic go away." - Asian Eyes
I Am Not a Virus is a remote documentary project, created by Argus Paul Estabrook in collaboration with the Asian American Association of New Mexico. To learn more about AAANM and their work, please click here.